Need to vent without making another nemesis feel and realize how shallow they really are. Need to be the bigger person once again…and walk away..fuming with a fake all is ok in my book.Has to be in this day and age. Bahahah the look on my face..Into the Ladies room where I can look in the mirror and stop being a polite,courteous lady.. working it out alone breathing deeply when I’d rather smash someone’s head into the concrete and blame it on the horse accidently stomping them to death…for my extreme pleasure and to vindicate my unjust treatment by someone I identified with…befriended…trusted and encouraged to overcome their lousy existence and at least pretend to be happy for a day..no, on second thought that’s too much to ask…how bout a few minutes…and not at my expense! Someone who in all reality’s sake..and arrogantly so, socially is beneath me no matter how hard they try to be otherwise. Let’s not talk about the intelligence vs. ignorance factor… ooo yes, why not?..both of which I happen to be multifaceted and talented in.. astutely bipolar, schizoid factors included…I dont need anyone’s help to dumb me down perfectly capable on my own accord..only a few good instigative lesser knowns..that dont realize this sheep in wolves clothing hardy har har har! I know myself better than you ever will..because i ahve learned to not show my true self at all ties anymore..the world is too brutal for truly genuine, kind, meek, and humble folks. Hard head makes a soft behind so I learned the hard way.I now just prefer to let them call check mate first, underestimate me, over analyze and think they are befriending me..which is a waste of time…even at the psych doctors… then bare my fangs….all the while chanting silently inside to please let them die or at least go away back to rock they crawled from so I can be rid once and for all of the tangled web I have woven trying to continue to be a compassionate, peaceful Buddhist this lifetime…stuck, in an unknown town, on probation..full of walking heroin(not ever my drug of choice,as if one is better than another) zombies that wake up just to antagonize and spew their hatred at me for being me…sober and fulfilled at long last again, before their next bag at a time when I don’t even realize they exist until they pop up out of shadows…not to even beg for money with some made up lie. My question now is…
And you are? Should I know you?Did I get drunk…black out..get abducted and can’t remember….or rather do I feel like being bothered with your monologue of the day without being paid to listen..bahahhah..by the way have you had your meds checked lately? If you’re not on meds or drugs you should think seriously about doing so just to make it more tolerable for me to be around you..just to make it appear as if you are having fun yet before your life is shut down..which I am praying will be any minute now..for the sake of other happy people like myself, that seems to annoy you every time I appear to even silently inwardly smile or laugh over the wonders and joy in life that I lost and found again so many times over loss, grief, incarceration, binges, and blackouts etc..sorry bout your luck even though I no longer really give a flying hoot..yes my life is all about me…not you. By the way…have we met before?..please refresh m memory..I may have been drunk or high at the time… like I wish I was now to make talking to you or rather listening to what you have to unconciously say more bearable. Lord hear my prayer…